Rainbows and Butterflies
Our memories, they can be inviting but some are altogether mighty frightening
I feel like I'm loosing all sense of control. I dont know what to do anymore. I think pretty soon i'm going to give in...to a lot of things. Everything hurts. Especially my head, i'm thinking too much about things in the past. I live in the past. I can't focus on the future. The future hurts sometimes if i think about it; think about where i might go and that the people around me will move on without me. Already one person has and this hurts. Its my weakest point, i might give in to this weakness and try and call this person, but i'm so scared to. I know there will be consequences and i know i will just get hurt, so why do i want to do it so badly? Mostly because i want to see if i do have a chance being able to talk to this person. I need this chance. I need to get everything that has been going through my mind out. I want to get on with my life and not live with the wonderful, and bad, memories.
I wish I could be happy. The symptoms are showing, too much. For me at least. I'm not sure if anyone else can see. I guess that could be a good thing. In a way, I want to be able to cry out for help, but when the symptoms don't show to anyone else, there is no cry for help. Plus, the last time i cried out for help, i got ignored. I can't take that. This time, the cry will be long and hard and i will most definately need the help. I can feel it. Everything and everyone around me is pushing me harder and harder to this point and i can't take it. I can't wait to leave New Jersey and the people here. I just can't take it anymore.
I wish i wasn't who i am. I wish i was happy, care-free, etc. I wish i was beautiful, on the outside and inside. I wish i didn't have my family didn't have the history of illnessess that they do so i wouldn't have to be feeling this way. Why couldn't it skip me? or some shit like that. Why why why? So many questions...no answers. Never any answers.
Beauty queen of only 18 she had some trouble with herself
I've had you so many times but somehow I want more
I know where you hide alone in your car. Know all the things that make you who you are. I know that good bye means nothing at all. Comes back and begs me to catch her everytime she falls
I just need to sleep. Sleep, sleep and never wake up again. Never. No one will notice I'm gone. They'll just think i'm still sleeping, or that i left and kept my door closed for some odd reason....
Good night. And please don't mind my depressed ramblings. I'll be better in the morning.
I feel like I'm loosing all sense of control. I dont know what to do anymore. I think pretty soon i'm going to give in...to a lot of things. Everything hurts. Especially my head, i'm thinking too much about things in the past. I live in the past. I can't focus on the future. The future hurts sometimes if i think about it; think about where i might go and that the people around me will move on without me. Already one person has and this hurts. Its my weakest point, i might give in to this weakness and try and call this person, but i'm so scared to. I know there will be consequences and i know i will just get hurt, so why do i want to do it so badly? Mostly because i want to see if i do have a chance being able to talk to this person. I need this chance. I need to get everything that has been going through my mind out. I want to get on with my life and not live with the wonderful, and bad, memories.
I wish I could be happy. The symptoms are showing, too much. For me at least. I'm not sure if anyone else can see. I guess that could be a good thing. In a way, I want to be able to cry out for help, but when the symptoms don't show to anyone else, there is no cry for help. Plus, the last time i cried out for help, i got ignored. I can't take that. This time, the cry will be long and hard and i will most definately need the help. I can feel it. Everything and everyone around me is pushing me harder and harder to this point and i can't take it. I can't wait to leave New Jersey and the people here. I just can't take it anymore.
I wish i wasn't who i am. I wish i was happy, care-free, etc. I wish i was beautiful, on the outside and inside. I wish i didn't have my family didn't have the history of illnessess that they do so i wouldn't have to be feeling this way. Why couldn't it skip me? or some shit like that. Why why why? So many questions...no answers. Never any answers.
Beauty queen of only 18 she had some trouble with herself
I've had you so many times but somehow I want more
I know where you hide alone in your car. Know all the things that make you who you are. I know that good bye means nothing at all. Comes back and begs me to catch her everytime she falls
I just need to sleep. Sleep, sleep and never wake up again. Never. No one will notice I'm gone. They'll just think i'm still sleeping, or that i left and kept my door closed for some odd reason....
Good night. And please don't mind my depressed ramblings. I'll be better in the morning.
