I'm getting nowhere
Its funny, everyday I end up looking at the same pictures. I have pictures of us from Snowland on my bookcase, one on my bedside table, and a picture from junior prom on my dresser. I know if I looked harder, there would be a million more....all pictures that i have looked at and looked at again so many times....yet when I see different pictures, its so much harder than I thought. I thought I was doing well, I thought I would have been able to handle the pictures, but I couldn't. I've handled all the other good memories, and so far most of the bad ones, but when I looked at these new pictures, I broke down. Memories and little things I had forgotten came pouring back into my broken heart. The pictures reminded me what had gone on at that certain moment, reminded me exactly what I was thinking around him and why and then I remembered all the little things like I had just wanted one picture of us, in that spot just because I knew it would be a day I would never forget, I just never realized how true it would be. I just wanted to remember his smiling face when I was away from him to help me smile. Instead, he ended up taking more pictures of me then i did of him.
However, these pictures of me, I noticed some things no one else may. For instince, in a picture, I'm lying on his bed, cuddled up, holding a pillow, just looking at the camera. Not smiling, just staring. In my eyes you can see complete lonliness- even though he was right there with me. Thats how I felt all the time with him. How could he have ever missed that? Whenever I looked into his eyes, they weren't full of me. He always seemed to be preoccupied. Even when we were alone. I never had all of him.
No matter how much it hurts to look at these pictures, its almost like an addiction- I HAVE to look. They are fairly new pictures, and i haven't seen him in so long. Its like seeing again for the first time in 2 months. Ugh. I won't cry. Why me?
Has anyone ever seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? I wish I could erase him. Everything could be so much easier that way.
I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside; all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do, you do, if you knew
What would you do
All the pain I thought I knew
All my thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away
I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around it
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands
However, these pictures of me, I noticed some things no one else may. For instince, in a picture, I'm lying on his bed, cuddled up, holding a pillow, just looking at the camera. Not smiling, just staring. In my eyes you can see complete lonliness- even though he was right there with me. Thats how I felt all the time with him. How could he have ever missed that? Whenever I looked into his eyes, they weren't full of me. He always seemed to be preoccupied. Even when we were alone. I never had all of him.
No matter how much it hurts to look at these pictures, its almost like an addiction- I HAVE to look. They are fairly new pictures, and i haven't seen him in so long. Its like seeing again for the first time in 2 months. Ugh. I won't cry. Why me?
Has anyone ever seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? I wish I could erase him. Everything could be so much easier that way.
I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside; all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do, you do, if you knew
What would you do
All the pain I thought I knew
All my thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away
I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around it
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands
