Dud

When I'm bored I like to look at other blogs and the other night I found a couple that wrote these amazing stories. I also love to read the blogs that write poems. When I read these, they kinda make me sad. In the past, I wrote poems ALL the time. They came so naturally to me. Now, I know I have the power and ability to write one, its just starting one. Its so difficult for me for some reason. When I'm sad, I can write in a poetic fashion. Like, the other night when me and Mike got into a fight, I wrote him a letter, and one line I wrote, "I need you here with me when all you want me to do is leave. But I just can't seem to let go because my heart beats for you and for some reason it doesn't want to stop." Eh, I can't do it :( Bits and pieces is all I can manage.

On a totally different subject, you know how every person has a certain scent? And when you smell this certain scent, it can bring back certain memories or something else perhaps? Kinda like that commercial if anyone has seen it... But anyway, Mike bought Abercombie's Fierce colonge yesterday. Don't get me wrong, it smells amazing, however, Mark always wore it :(. So now i'm sitting here at my computer, the faint smell of Fierce on my sweat shirt, knowing its from Mike, but memories of Mark shooting through my mind. No fair.


Guess what I bought today!!! I loooove Donkey!! And he's soo cute and he was only 8.99 with my employee discount. Woooo weeeee!!!!

Thats all for tonight. Sweet dreams.

I like big butts and I cannot lie

Today was Black Friday...dun dun duunnn. Again, sense i work at Marshalls it wasn't bad at all. Yes we were busier than usual but it was okay otherwise. I managed to stay in a good mood.

I definately don't have a lot to write about. (Try not to be too sad)
However, I do have a funny conversation between me and Gable...

S: What did Jessica just say to you?
G: Oh, she said my ass is hot.
S: Oh really?
G: Yeah, supposedly everyone thinks that way about my ass.
...later...i pick up some lotion thats leaking and say....
S: EWW!
G: What??
S: Oh nothing, I just looked at your ass.
G: Oh, I see. Well, I'm not wearing jeans and these pants sag a little so it doesn't look as good. If I was wearing jeans, then it would look really hot. (By the way, he was really defensive about his ass)

Yes, this conversation did in fact go on between myself and my manager. He's soo cool. Earlier in the day, this woman was talking to me about him and she said,"If he was older and not married, I would probably be interested in him."
LOL everyone loves Gable. Who doesn't? He's so god damned............cute! I actually responded to her, "If he was younger and single I would definately be interested too."

Good night all :-D


P.S. He does have a hot ass!

*Grins*

I wanted you to know, I love the way you laugh

I have to say, this must have been one of the better thanksgiving's sense my mother died. We went to my grandparents house (on my mother's side), took pictures of family, then went to eat at the Marriot where they have a buffet. The dinner was very relaxed and pleasant. My 2 yr old cousin was actually pretty well behaved. My aunt is still ehh. But everything was nice. Before we went out to eat, my grandfather said that he had found an old tape of my first day of school. We started watching the tape, but eventually turned it off. My father said it was probably because my grandmother was getting too upset by it (because of seeing my mother on it). At first I was a little upset by it, but later, i realized it made me feel better. It made me feel like she was there with us in spirit. I guess thats why I felt a little more relaxed. When we got home we put the tape in and finished watching it. It was the most hilarious thing EVER. I was soo spoiled, I love attention, and got upset when it wasn't on me. I was an emotional little child! Too bad no one noticed ahead of time....lol oh well.

Anyway, when I got home I called Mike and picked him up and he came over. He too watched this funny little movie and got to see how i was as a child and was able to see my beautiful old house. I looove that house :( We basically chilled all night. Over all, today was a really good day. My grandparents gave me $150 to go Christmas shopping! I'm so excited :-D.

Last night was really bad. Mike had gone out with Dave and he had my cell so we were texting each other a lot during the night. When he said he was home, I tried calling him and he didn't answer so I got kinda pissed and said something to get him mad. He wouldn't answer the phone and he texted me saying fuck you, i don't want to talk to you, i'm really pissed right now, whatever. It was then I made the biggest mistake a girlfriend could EVER do to her boyfriend. I compared him to Mark. Never compare you boyfriend to your ex. Its the worst possible thing you could ever do, especially when your bf HATES your ex. Yeahhhh. Wasn't good. But things were good today. Very good in fact ;-) SF is bad. And its getting worse. God Mike, I love you! I am soo thankful to have him back in my life and to be so blessed to be getting this chance. No one knows how much I messed up last time we were dating so right now I am so freaking lucky to be with him right now. And the best thing is, my family approves of him :-D!

You are my only

I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away


I put your picture away
I wonder where you've been
I can't look at you when I'm lyin next to him ;-)

Good night

Happy Thanksgiving

Turkey, turkey, turkey, turkey. I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. Please remember that this a time to give thanks for everything and anything you may feel blessed for. Like I've sad before, good luck to those families who have lost a close one. Know that they are with you in mind, body and spirit, always looking out for you. Despite all, SMILE and eat til you can't eat no mo! Happy Turkey Day :)



I love you Mike.
I found a reason for me to change who i used to be. A reason to start over new and the reason is you

Say what?

I need to clear some things up right now.

Yes, I am a very confusing person. I do follow my heart and almost all the time it leads me in the wrong direction. I do get hurt very easily and I take a lot of thing personally. I was hurt very badly by what had happened between me and Mark but I'd like to say that when I said I wanted to talk to him, I meant once. One talk. I don't want to be his friend. I don't want to be in his life again. What I say about wanting him here and what not is because I am trying to get over him. Its the feeling of loneliness. When I think about it, reasonably, I know that I DON'T want him around-or anywhere near me. I would like to talk to him once though so I could at least get some answers for so many questions I have. Like I said, I don't want his friendship.

I am in love with Mike. My Meat. He has done so much for me and has made me feel on top of the world. I'm going to go on because I have already written so much about him in the past.

Yes, I do write about other guys because I do have crushes. Its natural. Everyone has a crush on someone whether you realize it or not.

I am 18, I'm still young but I do know what love is and I don't treat it with childish games. I take love very seriously because its a serious feeling. Very permanent, demanding, and needing. Maybe I can't say I truly know what love is until I'm standing at that alter with my husband, but i'm pretty sure i have the jiff of it. And yes, maybe if i look back at now, I'll realize that all that I felt for the past 2 people I loved wasn't truly love. Maybe what is with Mike right now isn't love, but I will know that I felt something very, very strong for these 3 individuals and I was very blessed to have had such amazing times with amazing people.

Til later...

Why am i so uptight today?

I've had you so many times but somehow I want more

I don't know what to write anymore. There are a thousand things running through my mind this very moment. Half of them are lyrics to random songs.

I just sit here and wonder where you are.
I remember the last time I saw you, looked into those enchanting eyes. You filled me with those beautiful lies as you left to see her. I started to drive to see you again, one last time i hoped, but my ride got interrupted by an idiotic animal. When I realized where I was going, I cried. I lied to everyone when they asked me where I was going because I was ashamed of the truth, ashamed that I was so weak to give in to needing you so badly. You were like a drug to me, I always needed you, and when I had you, I needed more, until eventually, I had nothing left. Now I'm here, attempting to recover from my withdrawls. I wish there was a medicine to make the want of another human being disappear. And its so sad, that after all this time, and realizing all the lies, I would still do anything for you; anything to be able to see you one more time.

How sad it is how much i loved you. I loved you one day and hated you the next. I still love you though. I hate what you did/do to me. I did so much for you and here I am left with nothing but my broken heart that you gave back to me. It sits here in my hands, blood dripping down my fingers, pieces everywhere.

How sad it is that after all this time I still need you like I needed you when we were together. And what a waste of time it is. Its quite pathetic.

You make me sick with all the pain and scars you left me everywhere. Everywhere i go, everything i see, i see you, i feel you. Everywhere is a reminder. You stand there and smile at me. Everytime i close my eyes i see your face. You're always there. But I wish you were here.

**Now now everyone, I'd like to note that this coming week is going to be very bad for me. Not only is it the holidays, but its "that time of the month" and I woke up feeling pretty damn shitty and with quite too much on my mind. These little entries for me help me get some things out that sit with me for too long. It helps me get over shit. Just let me write, don't judge please. If you have an opinion in the matter, I don't care. I realize I need to get over it, I've had this advice one too many times so don't give me it. Just let me write.**

And yes...this is entry is about the Foog...

Good night. -

You're all I wanted, you're all I needed

Sick and tired of this world, there's no more air...

As the holiday's approach, I know it could be hard for the families who have lost somone dear to them. I know its hard, and its starting to take a toll on me. A woman I work with has lost 2 people close to her only recently. A friend wrote her a letter which touched me. I have some of it...

....
And think of her as living in the hearts of those she touched...for nothing loved is ever lost-and she was loved so much.
E. Brenneman
Don't ever think of her as gone away- her journey's just begun, life holds so many facets- this earth is only one.

The death of a person is not the time to weep, for they are gone and shall no more return.
It is a time for rejoicing, for the Lord, our God, has brought His child to sit by Him- forever.
This is a time for all to remember the pleasant times that were shared between yourself and those departed.
Do not be selfish and wish them back.
For they have gained what every human desires...eternal peace.



- I love you always.







btw....i need my foog. I wish that somehow he could know I'm thinking of him.....

Yup, randomness AGAIN

Hey look- its Angelo :)!!


Have you ever seen a fish beg for food? It has to be the saddest sight ever.

hahaha ITS ME IN THE ON THE LEFT SIDE WITH THE YELLOW SHIRT!!!!
.

My letter from Mike

His exact words from the exact letter he wrote me:

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah

I think about us every second of the day...every second...There are so many feelings I have about you and lucky for you, they are all good...I mean what I write but if it is dumb or retardered just remember its 3:00 in the morning...
I remember when we were talking about if we were dating or just friends with benefits. And what you said was taht we are dating, BUT! you want your freedom cause you were in a relationship for awhile. But for me your my one and only :-)...like right now I live my life with 3 major things I have to do. #1 is my daughter #2 is you and #3 is work...these 3 things are NOT in order. I care for all 3 equally...I don't know @&#*! This kinda is an apology letter and a "make you love me more" letter and a "let you know how I feel" letter. Baby I love you and cherish you and you never bother me EVER!!! The best way I can tell you that I love you is that I try to base and plan my life around you. And I love it. Even if we are mad at each other and were together i am still happy cause we are TOGETHER!!! I feel like I'm part of something and its you and I want to feel that way for a long time. I want to one day be able to sleep next to you...to be next to you when we wake up. I want sooo much and I want you 100% included. Anyway thats my entry in my journal...Please love me more than life itself (-impossible but i sounded good- lol :) )
Ok bed time for me. Before I write something ridiculous. I love you Sarah.

Love me

Moon and Stars

I'm fine...i swear. Don't let my previous entry fool you.

When I decided to make this blog, i knew it was going to be personal. You can't always talk about the same ol shit the same ol' people. They seem not to care after a while.

I'm so happy i don't have work tomorrow. My first sunday off sense god knows when. Oh wait, technically, it is sunday. HA. I have to find a present today for me daddy. His birthday is monday :). Speaking of my father....

He said to me today that our relatives in Texas asked us if we wanted to spend New Years with them. Here's whats going through my mind....
-I love Texas and its weather (call me crazy if you wish)
-I'd love to see my family which i haven't seen in about 2,3 years
-Great quality family time
However....
-Family tends to drive me crazy
-Its not home :(
-I would like to also spend it with friends.
-When i think of New Years, I think coldness. Not short sleeves and capri's. Ya know?

I don't know what to do. I'm completely torn. Suggestions?

I ain't happy baby

Everyone needs to see this movie. Sooo funny :-D
----------------------------------------------------------

When I slipped, i thought you would catch my fall. But I fell. On the ground I looked up at you as you stood over me, debating whether to offer me your hand. How could you stand there? Your soft brown eyes now hurt me. After the hesitation, you finally give me your hand, but i'm already in the processing of picking myself up. I brush off the dirt and look at the scars. You touch my wounds and continue on like nothing had ever happened, as if touching the hurt made the incident vanish. I'm falling into a never ending darkness and as i fall, i can see your once beautiful, innocent eyes watching me.
Will I ever find that someone who can support me? How can you say you love someone but not show them how much you really care? If you care, you need to push and prod. Its the only way you'll get what you want- that "beautiful smile" you're always pressuring me for. I can't give a little to you, unless you give a little up; your time, your patience, and a supporting ear.
What is there to be afraid of? Its a win-win situation. I may cry, but you get to hold me and comfort me. By listening, I know that i'll be able to go to you in future situations, which will help me know someone is really there for me. By asking whats wrong, its shows me how much you do care. Actions can speak louder than words sometimes. Yes you do say you care and that you're here, but you need to show it too. I'm a little girl with a lot on my mind and a lot of problems. I need you here. I need you because I love you.

Running, running, running in circles. The ground I have ran under begins to cave in. A circle in the ground forms, showing every hurtful step. Those brown eyes haunt me everytime my feet hit the ground. I hear your voice, I just want to get close to you. But it seems with every motion I make, you become further and further away. Don't go.

I do cherish you

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You'll never know dear how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away.

You were my baby...

Finally this is my last entry of the night.

I think everynight its the same thing concerning my feelings. I wish i knew what was wrong. I hate it when i'm visibily upset about something and a certain someone doesnt have the courtesy to ask whats wrong. *cough*mike*cough* Whatever, i guess he didn't want to hear my bullshit.

I saw koogie for a lil tonight. He drove me around and we just bullshitted. We were talking about G and he asked if i still had feelings for him. I thought for a sec and i admitted to it. I said, my first love, i could never get over the feelings. Which is true. Which is why I guess it hurts when he says...
DoEzMyBreThSmell (10:52:17 PM): haha:-* thanks pal

and this
serraan gel 354 (10:40:12 PM): i love everything chocolate
DoEzMyBreThSmell (10:41:33 PM): im chocolate
serraan gel 354 (10:41:51 PM): i already loved you
DoEzMyBreThSmell (10:42:59 PM): :-P
(notice the lack of comment)

and last but not least...
DoEzMyBreThSmell (12:10:27 AM): aw your a pal

I'm a great pal.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

There's always that one person that will always have your heart. You'll never see it coming cause you're blinded from the start. Know that you're that one for me. Its clear for everyone to see. Oh baby.

I was in love with you when we were younger you were mine, my boo. And i see it from time to time i still feel like my boo. And I can see it no matter how i try to hide, my boo. Even though there's another man in my life you will always be my boo.

Yes I remember boy cause after we kissed i could only think about your lips. Yes I remember boy the moment i knew you were the one i could spend my life with.

It started when we were younger you were mine, my boo. Now another brother's taking over but its still in your eyes, my boo. Even though we used to argue its alright. I know we haven't seen each other in awhile but you will always be my boo.

Ode to The Nice Guys

Taken from koogie's profile, i thought was very interesting, very true. And Koogie, I do love you!! http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

I've got a crush on you

I have come to the sad conclusion today that its not fair that gay men have to be so god damned hot. Please, tell me I'm wrong cause in this one case, i know i'm not.


On another note...very, VERY embarressing moment today. I forgot that my little sister had basketball tonight so my father would be coming home early. Mike was over. We were in my room. Yeahhh.
My father left to get food and i dropped mike off at work. My father came home a little after i did and said, "The rule that boys are not allowed upstairs when i am not home still stands. Let me find out you are bringing any boys upstairs again and there will be consequences. " He also yelled, "Why do you smell like smoke?? Are you smoking??" I shook my head and said Mike smokes. Uh huhhh.

.

Speaking of gay men (well i'm not sure if he is gay or not...), last saturday at Spanish class we were talking about tener (to have). Tener can be used with other adjectives (i think they are called) to form phrases such as I am hungry, i am cold, etc. So we were talking about i am hungry, tengo mucho hambre, and i said to Hector, I'm starving. He said awee i'm sorry. Then a couple minutes later he's getting up. I'm like uhh bye! He comes back to class holding food for me and says, here you can have one. I was like, awee thank you so much! He's like, well i felt bad that you were so hungry. He's sooo sweet!! I hope he's not gay...I have such a crush.

Anyway, thats all i have to say for now. til latterrr ;-)

I swear I know you're here

This thing hasn't been working for a while, but i'm going to give it a try....

Is it okay if i bitch and moan some more about work? lol. Yeeesss i am attempting to find a new job so don't yell at me for not doing anything about my bitching. Here are my likes and dislikes (mostly dislikes) about the Marshalls...

1. I hate when i'm putting away roling racks of clothes and customers start looking through them- while i'm standing right there.
2. I hate when associates (or anyone else) randomly call out my name just to piss me off.
3. I hate when i'm called to work on something when i'm in the process of doing something already.
4. I hate working in the fitting room.
5. I hate customers who can't look for the fucking signs and have to ask where absolutely everything is.
6. I hate customers who think for some reason they are better than everyone else.
7. I hate the customers who follow me around while i'm cleaning and rip everything out after i had just cleaned it.
8. I hate employees who think they are high and mighty when their really not.
9. I hate back stabbers, fake people, and when people talk behind each others backs
10. I hate customers who that bring 200 things to the fitting room and for some reason think they can bring it all in.
11. And, the customers who have 7 items(one more than you can bring in) and try and persuade me to "let it slide this once"
12. I hate my managers (except Gable)
13. I don't like people who go "fitting room shopping"
14. I love French women ;-)
15. I like Sandy (our LP)
16. I hate when people think they know what their doing but they don't and they do it all wrong.
17. I love being able to get away with breaking the dress code :)
18. I dont like the associates who stand around and talk when there is a lot that needs to be done
19. I love being asked to go out for an errand
20. I love worknig the service desk and having the power to tell people what to do
21. I hate feeling threatened at my own work place
22. I hate suck ups.
23. I love the fact that these people sometimes feel like a second family to me.
24. It really annoys me when people ask if i work here when i'm wearing a name bag, carrying a huge pile of clothes to put out, when i'm cleaning, or bringing out rolling racks. DUH
25. I hate the woman "maggie" who interrupts the songs to say how fucking great Marshalls is.

**Now, ladies and gentleman, this list is an example of what you do when you're really, REALLY bored, standing there in the fitting room.**

There's not a lot i need to say. Thanks to cedia for the comment on my last entry. However, you are right about being easier said than done. I'm in a better mood cause i got out my rantings :)

time for my lyrics

And i can see your face. Your kiss i still can taste. Not a memory erased. Oh, how i see your star shining down on me. And i'd do anything if i could just be right there where you are. Where you and I will breathe together once again. We'll be dancing in the moonlight just like we used to do. And you'll be smiling back at me. Only then will i be free, then i will be free, so take me where you are. Now baby there are times when selfishly i'm wishing that you were here with me so i can wipe the tears from your eyes and make you see that everynight when are you dreaming i'm here to guard you from afar. And anytime i feel in love, I'll close my eyes and dream of where you are...

Rainbows and Butterflies

Our memories, they can be inviting but some are altogether mighty frightening

I feel like I'm loosing all sense of control. I dont know what to do anymore. I think pretty soon i'm going to give in...to a lot of things. Everything hurts. Especially my head, i'm thinking too much about things in the past. I live in the past. I can't focus on the future. The future hurts sometimes if i think about it; think about where i might go and that the people around me will move on without me. Already one person has and this hurts. Its my weakest point, i might give in to this weakness and try and call this person, but i'm so scared to. I know there will be consequences and i know i will just get hurt, so why do i want to do it so badly? Mostly because i want to see if i do have a chance being able to talk to this person. I need this chance. I need to get everything that has been going through my mind out. I want to get on with my life and not live with the wonderful, and bad, memories.
I wish I could be happy. The symptoms are showing, too much. For me at least. I'm not sure if anyone else can see. I guess that could be a good thing. In a way, I want to be able to cry out for help, but when the symptoms don't show to anyone else, there is no cry for help. Plus, the last time i cried out for help, i got ignored. I can't take that. This time, the cry will be long and hard and i will most definately need the help. I can feel it. Everything and everyone around me is pushing me harder and harder to this point and i can't take it. I can't wait to leave New Jersey and the people here. I just can't take it anymore.
I wish i wasn't who i am. I wish i was happy, care-free, etc. I wish i was beautiful, on the outside and inside. I wish i didn't have my family didn't have the history of illnessess that they do so i wouldn't have to be feeling this way. Why couldn't it skip me? or some shit like that. Why why why? So many questions...no answers. Never any answers.
Beauty queen of only 18 she had some trouble with herself

I've had you so many times but somehow I want more

I know where you hide alone in your car. Know all the things that make you who you are. I know that good bye means nothing at all. Comes back and begs me to catch her everytime she falls

I just need to sleep. Sleep, sleep and never wake up again. Never. No one will notice I'm gone. They'll just think i'm still sleeping, or that i left and kept my door closed for some odd reason....

Good night. And please don't mind my depressed ramblings. I'll be better in the morning.

*sad face*

I'm sad, lonely, and i want my baby with me here now. I'm bored too. I'm not sure why i'm doing this entry. I don't have anything to say. Today was a waste. I sat around and watched TV pretty much all day. Oh, i picked up mike from work. Woo wee. Now he's helping people bring a pool table to this kid Matts house.

I made up my mind today that tomorrow i am going to start looking for a new job. I know that i want to stay in retail, cause its what i know already, i'm not up to any kind of big change. I have enough stress already, i really don't need anymore. Marshalls taught me enough that i shouldn't have that hard of a time finding a job and getting decent money out of it. I just wish i had gotten farther (at Marshalls).

Life sucks.

This life is overrated anyway

I'm not sober all the time
You bring me down at least you try
Until we see this eye to eye
I don't want you

I must be running out of luck
Cause your just not drunk enough to fuck
and now i've had it up to here
I don't, i don't want you

It took so long to see
You walked away from me
When i need you

Wake up, i'm pounding on the door
I'm not the (wo)man i was before
Where the hell are you
When i need you
Wake up, i'm pounding at the door
I won't hurt you anymore
Where the hell are you
When I need you

I'm not angry all the time
You pushed me down at least you tried
Until we see this eye to eye
I don't want you

It took so long to see
You walked away from me
When I need you
...Three Days Grace, Wake Up

I'm so tired. Pounding headache. Make it stop. I hate work. I hate my fake, bitchy (except for Gable) managers.

I hate awkward silences. And then i hate when people don't make an attempt to help them. Like, i know sometimes silence is good, its necessary. When i'm with mike just hanging out, sometimes i love just knowing he's there next to me...we don't need to talk. But like, anyother time when i know its awkward, its horrible. I scramble to think of the right words to say without making a fool out of myself. And plus, it takes a moment to realize there's an awkward silence. Like, your talking to someone, then you stop. There's silence, and THEN you realize, wow this is really weird....THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY!!! NOW! And your head gets all scrambled trying to think of the right thing. God the pressure is unbearable.

I hate loud talkers and people who find it absolutely necessary to tell a story and make sure EVERYONE can here what they are saying cause its just soooo important. Speaking of loud talkers, there's the people who are so fucking deaf that they feel the need to have the ear piece volume in their cell phone turned to the absolute highest possible so everyone around them can hear the entire conversation. Honestly, no one gives two shits what happened to you last night or your plans for the day. I also find it highly irritating when customers are at the register buying things and they are talking on their cell phone. How the hell am i supposed to react to them? One of the things i'm required to do when a customer purchases something is say hello, how are you and what not. I can't do that if they are on the phone, so i just stand there farting around, feeling extremly uncomfortable while they're having a personal conversation. There are those kind people though that if their phone rings while buying, they tell the person what they are doing and say that they'll call them right back. Props to those people. *gives thumbs up* But yeah...

I may contradict myself on this one, but i hate when people are in a bad mood and find the need to take it out on the innocent ones. What the hell did we do to you! Oh thats right, we exist. We walk in front of you or by you or whatever and thats the end of us. Get over it. Fix your problem; maybe next time you shouldn't fuck up and you won't get in trouble :-D (cough, managers, cough).

I love clothes. I love buying myself clothes. Actually, I love buying things for other people too. This may sound corney but when it comes time to christmas shopping, i look forward to it. (as long as i have enough money to go in the first place). I love seeing their faces when i give them their present. It must be the best feeling in the world. When my sister opened the cell phone that i got for her, that face was priceless. I wish i had a camera then. It will stay stuck in my mind forever.

Which reminds me, i still have a list of things i need to get done....

• Finish my applications for college
• Finish my registration for spring semester(actually, its done, except my daddy needs to pay)
• Read for soc.
• Fix thursday's hours

And i think thats it. hmm. My head hurts...a lot. I think i'll take some wonderful medicine and hit the sack. I need to get up early :( Night.

Contigo pan y cebolla

SuNbUrSt936 (9:34:01 PM): he makes my heart hurt so im tyring to not think about him anymore

Tonight unfortunately, will probably be another early night unless brian calls me and we go do something. I was supposed to hang out with angelo tonight but he said his parents got stuck in traffic on 80 near Penn so he was probably going to get in late. He asked me about tomorrow night. I'm not sure about it though, i kinda want to see Mike.... I guess we'll see...I found out today that Angelo has a girlfriend. I really don't care, i was just surprised i guess. I'm always left in the dark about these things! Lol, Mike will be happy though. He was at my house when i was getting ready to see him and he was getting all flustered and upset. It was cute. I love his jealousy. But right now, I don't like what i'm feeling about him because he's out and he told me he'd call me but he hasn't. All he did was text me about 3 hours ago asknig if i was going out and saying i love you.

Work today was okay. Its the start of the 20% off which is awesome. The time seemed to go forever though. huh. OH! Mike surprised me at work today. He got a taxi to Marshalls cause it was cheaper than going to his house. He came just in time for my lunch. So being the nice gurl that I am, i lent him my car to get home and he picked me up from work :) He also gave me a present today- a stuffed animal reindeer, which happens to be the most cutest and softest thing EVER! *sigh* i love him!

I have spanish class tomorrow :). I can't believe it, a class i actually kinda look forward too. (or maybe a certain someone in it). No but seriously, I do love spanish...i've been taking it for 6 years. I love being able to understand part of what spanish people try to say to english people and being able to speak some to them. I wish i was more fluent but oh well. BTW, my title means you are all i need. I have a paper thats due tomorrow that i just finished! Yay! I hope its good enough...i didn't know what to write about.

*sigh*

With Arms Wide Open

If i had just one wish, only one demand, i hope she's not like me...

Gahh. Yes, that explains pretty much everything. I had work all day which wasn't too bad. 5 hours seem to go so much slower though when you only get one 15 min break. Afterwards i went home for a bit and hung out with Mike (of course) the rest of the night. Well, until about now. He kinda fell asleep :) Tomorrow, Sat and Sun are 20% off days for employees. We normally get 10% off but about once every 2,3 months they let us get 20% off wooo weee! Tomorrow should be another great day. Work 10-5...hopefully seeing Angelo later on in the night.

I'm getting worse. So much worse. I think about him too much. I don't know why. Its all starting to be too much for me.

I was thinking today...last new years i hung out with Mike, his girlfriend, Mark, an old girlfriend and her boyfriend and we got completely wasted and me and mike almost kissed. I thought today, if we do get to spend new years together again this year, I'll be able to kiss him, and it'll be okay. I get to kiss him now, and hopefully for a long, long time :).

Speaking of which, I hate how people take advantage of each other. You never know when their time might come, or for some reason they are up and out of your life. You need to kiss someone like you'll never see them again, hug them like you'll never hug them again, tell them i love you or how much you care. Don't let them walk away from you. Cherish every smile, hug, i love you, the look in their eyes....everything. I can't stand how cold some people are when it comes to using people. I don't understand how they can do it. Everyone has some sort of feelings. People just confuse me too damn much sometimes.

I just may hit the sack early tonight too....a have a grrreaat day ahead of me ;-) Night.

Deep down it hides

There's this reality TV show on Bravo called Manhunt. I was flipping through the channels the other day when i came across this show and the men were fucking gorgeous (kirkkitsch would love this show!). While watching, i saw a man who looked sooo much like Mike i was in complete shock. I asked my sister, and she agreed he looked a lot like Mike. I showed Mike his picture, and he was surprised too. He actually said, hey i could of been on this show! Anyway, his name is Rob. Please see this picture...him and Mike look so much alike....



And now, find my baby lol (can't see his face :( but oh well)

Anyways...ummm today was a nice chill day. I hung out with Mike all day doing absolutely nothing. It was nice.

I have a lot on my mind but its too much to write down. I'm going through a lot in my head and no one knows about it which kinda hurts. There's is nothing anyone could do about it anyways. But yeah, here's some lyrics i wanted to put in here (lyrics help explain me sometimes. I'm obsessed with music...)

Default- Taking My Life Away

They reach beside
A leech to find
I dreamed of this so long
This used to feel so strong

Now I wait
Wish these thoughts would go away
I hope I dream of you
Cause its taking my life away
No I don't hate
But these thoughts won't go away
I hope I dream of you
Cause its taking my life away

Deep down it hides
Making life a grind
I dreamed of this so long
This used to feel so strong

Now I wait
Wish these thoughts would go away
I hope I dream of you
Cause its taking my life away
No I don't hate
But these thoughts won't go away
I hope I dream of you
Cause its taking my life away

Deep down it hides

*chorus*

Chasing away my sanity

I'm feeling more and more down everyday...whats wrong with me?

Anyway, today was ok. I slept until i had to get mike from work and go to work (which was 3pm) It was very pleasant. Work was boring. No one shopped today. We had a new person Nicole who seems really nice...like actual nice...not like jessica nice lol. Nice people are good.

Yesterday was good (sense i really didn't say my day). I had class in the morning, it was actually the morning after i had talked to jami and she had told me to say hi to her once i got into class. I did just that, and that was it. We didn't talk or anything else afterwards. So basically, nothing has changed except for the fact that we both apologized and we're not "enemies" i guess but acquaintances. I guess its better than it was before...right? The rest of the day, i messed around on the computer wooo weee until i picked up mike. What did we do? OOOHHH yeah, we went to the mall :). I got him a new pair of shoes (he's going to pay me back being the great guy he is) and i got some new jeans and shirts :) yay! Pac Sun jeans are the greatest...and I love American Eagle. I'm a little preppy gurl lol. After that we rented 2 movies...Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind with Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet(and sexy Elijah Wood!) and Shrek 2.

They were both great, great movies.

I'm not sure how many people watch VH1 anymore, but there is this one show, Motor Mouth, which is the funniest show EVER! They hide cameras in your car while your driving alone and you can see everything you do while driving. They also have you drive with a friend. SOOOO funny...must watch.

But anyways....i have off tomorrow...so does mike...shall be interesting ;-) I love my baby
"Whenever I see you down and upset, it makes me want to do anything in the world to make you happy."

Ohh, I remember something we talked about last night. I asked him about us, what he thought about us. He said he wanted my opinion before he said his so i told him the thruth...How the 2 of us act around each other and treat each other, we act like a couple, except for the fact that neither of us ever made it official. I said that i'd love to be his girlfriend but the fact of the matter is that i had been with someone for a long time and right now, i just want that freedom of being single. But i want to be with you at the same time, i told him. I said that i want to go out with other guys and not feel guilty but at the same time, i need you to know that no matter who i'm with and what i'm doing, i will always be thinking of you, calling you when i get home, and doing dirty, nasty things to only you later. That made him laugh and he said, good, cause i pretty much feel the same way. :) He knows i love him, i know he loves me, and thats all it comes down to in the end.

Soooo boys...i'm a single gurl!! lol just be careful lol. jk jk

Enough for tonight. Gooood night.

About Me

I realized that i'm very vague in here about who i actually am. Sooo heres a little survey! (I stole it from Jami's xanga....lol sorry!)....

SECTION 1 ABOUT YOURSELF
+ Known as: Sarah Smith, dud, spoiled brat, goose
+ Lives in: Flanders (Mount olive), NJ
+ Birthday: April 3, 1986
+ School: CCM for a year, then hopefully transfering out...
+ Religion: God hates me
+ Shoe size: 7.5 or 8
+ Hair color: light brown
+ Eye color: hazel
+ Style: preppy or scrub or something different
+ Fears: Not being good enough, getting hurt again, loosing that someone special
SECTION 2 HAVE YOU EVER...
+ Cheated on someone? Yes
+ Been Cheated on? i've heard rumors...
+ Fallen off the bed? lol i think so
+ Broken someone’s heart? Yes
+ Had your heart broken? Too many times to count
+ Had a dream come true? Yes.
+ Done something you regret? I don't think before i do something
+Cheated on a test? maybeee....*looks at another survey to see what she wrote*
SECTION 3 CURRENTLY...
+ Wearing? Sweats and sweatshirt
+ Listening to? a silent, peaceful house
+ Located? Study
+ Chatting with? no one's on line
+ Watching? the TV is in the other room :(
+Should REALLY be doing? my community service hours
SECTION 4 DO YOU...
+ Brush your teeth? lots
+ Like anybody? like? i'm in love
+ Have any piercing or tattoos(lol my add in)? I had piercings, but my ears don't like me anymore...
+ Drive? My sexy Mazda 626
+ Drink? mmmmm deeelicious
+ Smoke? Smoke what? i smoke cigarrettes...no more drugs for me :-D
+ Got a pager? Umm definately not
SECTION 5 Friends...
+ Who is your best? Mike
+ Who do you hate? Jami said it best...Well theres a list....
+ Who is the shyest? me
+ Who is the most talkative? jo
+ Who is the cutest? mike
+ Who laughs the most?
+ Who have you known the longest? Greg
+ Who have you known the shortest?
+ Who do you miss the most? Devon
+ Personal problems? Too many
+ Do you hang out with the opposite sex? Yes
+ Do you trust your friends? Uhhhhhh.....
+ Are you a good friend? I try to be
+ Can you keep a secret? Yes
SECTION 6 THE LAST PERSON YOU...
+ Hugged? Mike
+ Kissed? Again Mike ;-)
+ IMed? Actually, the last person i talked to was Jami
+ Talked on the phone: Lol, Mike called me on his break
+ Yelled at? My sister
+ Fell in love with? I haven't fallen in love with anyone recently. I've been in love for a long time.
SECTION 7 PERSONAL...
+ What do you want to be when you grow up? Athletic trainer
+ What has been the best day of your life? I want to say junior prom and then senior year, going to cape may with Mark
+ What comes first in your life? family
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush? Is he my boyfriend? I'm not sure, but i do love him!
+ What are you most scared of? Hurting him, loosing him, failing in life, hurting my family
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed? Way too much shit :(
+ Did you lose someone you really loved? Yes
+ How many times have you fallen deeply in love? I fell in love too hard with a two timing, piece of shit. Now I'm falling harder everyday for someone who I know will always be there
+ Love your family? when we're not fighting
+ Love your friends? yes
SECTION 8 FAVORITE...
+ Movie: Sum of All Fears
+ Song: Broken by Amy Lee and Seether and Let's Go by Trick Daddy
+ Group: Linkin Park, Evanesence
+ Store: Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle (i'm the little preppy gurl)
+ Relative: Even though i'm upset at her, my aunt
+ Sport: Track-always has, always will be
+Ice Cream Flavor: Vanilla and chocolate swirl
+ Fruit: is apple a fruit?
+ Candy: M&M's
+Holiday: holiday times make me sad but christmas has always been good
+ Day of the Week: Wednesday(mike has off usually), Friday (pay day) and saturday (just cause)
+ Time: When the sun has set and the clouds are purple, pink and blue
+ Color: green or purple
+ Name for a Girl: Hope, Rose, Charity, Hazel
+ Name for a Boy: Jordan, Philip, Sean, Thomas
+ Quote: "Let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth."--1 John 3:18
SECTION 9 DO YOU...
+ Like to give hugs? All the time
+ Like to give kisses? I love kisses :)
+ Like to walk in the rain? If its cold no
+ Prefer black or blue pens? black
+ Like to travel? only to warm places
+ Sleep on your side, tummy or back? All, but mostly tummy
+ Think you're attractive? depends, not usually though
+ Have a goldfish? 2...which reminds me, they should be feed....
+ Ever have the falling dream? yes
+ Have stuffed animals? tons
SECTION 10 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT...
+ Abortion: it depends on what the situation is
+ Smoking: its bad for you! but i do it anyway :(
+ Eating Disorders: i can understand where they come from but its still wrong
+ Suicide: No comment
+ Summer: I live for the summer
+ Tattoos: Their hot, until you get too many
+ Piercings: Same as above
SECTION 11 THIS OR THAT...
+ Pierced nose or tongue? tongue
+ Single or taken? uhhhh
+ MTV or BET? MTV
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek? neither
+ Sugar or salt? sugar
+ Silver or gold? silver
+ Chocolate or flowers? flowers
+ Color or Black-and-white photos? it depends on the picture. Some pictures look amazing as black and white, but there are some that just need the color in them
+ M&M's or Skittles? M&M's
+ Stay up late or sleep in? Sleep in (i wish!)
+ Hot or cold? Hot
+ Sun or moon? moon (and the stars)
+ Left or Right? left
+ 10 Acquaintances or one best friend? one best friend
+ Mustard or ketchup? ketchup
+ Spring or Fall? Spring (my bday!)
+ Happy or sad? happy....honestly, who wants to be sad?
+ Wonder or amazement? amazement
+ McDonald's or Burger King? Hands down BK!!!
+ Mexican or Italian food? Italian
+ Lights on or off? lol depends....
+ Candy or soda? Soda
+ Pepsi or Coke? Neither, i'm allergic......


**Thanks to Jami for this and thats all for now....**

Against All Odds

Against All Odds
by Phil Collins

How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds and that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space

But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It's the chance I've gotta take

Take a look at me now



*lyrics from www.lyrics007.com*

Me encanto la clase de espanol

I officially love spanish class! I love spanish guys named Hector. He is ohhh so yummy! I wish i had a picture of him so i could put it on here. Yo quiero el numero de telefono de Hector. lol. *sigh*

I love burger king. Pretty much everytime i go i get the same thing. Either a chicken finger value meal (medium) with a sprite or a bacon cheeseburger w/medium fries and a medium sprite. MMMMMMMMmmmmmm.


What else? Oh yeah. Last night sucked. Me and mike got into an odd arguement. He was drunk, i was in a blah mood so that didn't work out very well. He's not in a great mood this morning cause i accidently called him last night-too late so he got in trouble. Gah. Well, i have work at 3 so tonight i'll probably have another entry. Have a wonderful day ya'll.

Thoughts and more randomness

OMG i am so very pissed right now. I wrote this really long, feelings fulled entry earlier and it all disappeared! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

So on a different note I have a conversation with my meat i'd like to put in here....
+19732143449 (8:48:27 PM): Your my fantasy
JitTer BUGgy2600 (8:48:56 PM): all the time? Or do you fantasize about other gurls too?
+19732143449 (8:50:35 PM): Your my only fantasy
JitTer BUGgy2600 (8:50:52 PM): i hope so
+19732143449 (8:55:09 PM): Dont hope. You should know
JitTer BUGgy2600 (8:55:37 PM): i don't know what you think baby. I can't read your mind
+19732143449 (8:56:58 PM): well that is what i think your so sexy ugh. I love you marry me
JitTer BUGgy2600 (8:57:27 PM): i do
+19732143449 (9:01:48 PM): Were going to get married next week
JitTer BUGgy2600 (9:02:07 PM): where?
+19732143449 (9:03:00 PM): Las vegas
JitTer BUGgy2600 (9:03:12 PM): but babbby
JitTer BUGgy2600 (9:03:47 PM): i wanted a wedding on the beach when there is beautiful weather so we could have sex right there after the wedding is over and everyone is gone
+19732143449 (9:05:31 PM): Cali it is then
JitTer BUGgy2600 (9:05:54 PM): okay :-)
+19732143449 (9:06:42 PM): Yay ill book the flight tomorrow
JitTer BUGgy2600 (9:06:52 PM): okay
+19732143449 (9:07:32 PM): im not kidding
JitTer BUGgy2600 (9:07:58 PM): i believe you baby. We're just not gonna have any babies though
+19732143449 (9:08:32 PM): I agree
JitTer BUGgy2600 (9:08:56 PM): okay good
+19732143449 (9:11:15 PM): So now you are my finace
JitTer BUGgy2600 (9:11:29 PM): yes babe
+19732143449 (9:12:16 PM): Do you think im joking
JitTer BUGgy2600 (9:12:22 PM): no
+19732143449 (9:12:54 PM): Good
+19732143449 (9:17:12 PM): I would do anything to have you stay in my life forever

Cute huh? I guess I'm gettin married ;-)

Basically what i wrote in the other entry that disappeared was a lot of things i was feeling, about mike, meeting him, and everything he has done for me. I was in the mood for spilling out my heart then, but now i'm not. I'm kinda like ehck. Reason?.....Jason called me. Now the reason for me gettin upset about a kid named jason calling me is a very, very long story i don't feel like getting into at this moment. (remember...i don't feel like spilling out my heart right now lol) But maybe later? The blog will be called Jason.

I need a cigarette. Never start smoking. Ever.


Today was a blah day. Wasn't in that great of a mood. Had a nice talk with Jo.

You know what? Fuck it....i'm going to spill....

First of all....Jo. She works with me at Marshalls. She's a french woman who's almost like my mother figure because of our relationship. She keeps me in line....sometimes. ;-) She asked me about Mark and if i had talked to him recently. I said no, we don't talk anymore. She said good, he was a waste of your time, all he did was hurt you, use your for your car, money, and what good did it do? He found a new girl. When she said that to me, it really made me think. She is right. It is for the best that we are not talking and that things are the way they are. I'm so happy with the wonderful man i have. I just wish sometimes we could have had some sort of closure you know? I love Jo :)

Next, i'd like to talk about my other half Mike. Or Meat as I like to call him. I call him meat because back when we first started dating he joked to me saying that he feels like i treat him like a piece of used meat. Great story huh? But its what i call him. Mike treats me like a freaking goddess. He's everything that i've ever needed in someone when it comes to honesity, trusting, caring, loving, everything. When we first met, i was dating mark and he was dating someone else, and when i first saw him, i thought to myself, damn he's hot! (later when i told him that he told me he was thinking the same thing about me) Love at first sight......
Now here we are, about a year later. Things are amazing. I have my doubts sometimes though. I doubt how much he loves me. Like.....
+19732143449 (9:29:08 PM): I want you so bad all the time
JitTer BUGgy2600 (9:29:28 PM): all the time?
+19732143449 (9:30:00 PM): yea
JitTer BUGgy2600 (9:30:23 PM): do you love me though
+19732143449 (9:31:35 PM): i want to be with you forever yes i love you i love you i love you

I have my doubts mostly because i don't understand why a guy so much older (i'm 18, he's 25) would be interested in me. Like, i have this impression that all they would want is sex. Idk, but then he looks in me in the eye with that look.....god damn that look......and all my doubts disappear..... God i love you!
Plus, our age difference kinda puts a little, like, stress almost on me. I have my separate goals that are so completely different than his because of where both of us are in our lives. Understand? Oh well.

I'm still not going to talk about Jason cause i honestly don't even want to think about it. Bad memories.

But lets see....today was alright. I had work 10-4 and i pulled rolling racks onto the floor cause our stock room is sooo full. I made no difference :(. After work i saw Mike. Now, here I am. I've been on the computer sense.....830, 9 i think. I'm obsessed. Found some more interesting sites that i will add. I also want to thank strife for adding me to his page :) *Visit his!* lol

Class tomorrow morn w/hector!!! lol then work at 230. Should be an interesting day sense my fav managers in the world are closing. Grrrrrrrrr. For now......possibly more later.....

Whhhhaaaaattttt???

A girl says to her date, "You're in for a real treat. I've been told that I have a body just like New Jersey." So, her date grabs her waist and asks, "Whats this?" She replies, "This is Middlesex." He grabs her butt and asks "Whats this?" She replies "Freehold." Then he grabs her breats and asks "Whats this?" She replies "Point Pleasant." Finally, he reaches down between her thighs and says, "I guess this is Cherry Hill?" "No," she replies, "That's Eatontown." The guy gets so excited that he pulls down his pants and says, "Welcome to Wildwood!"
----------------------------------
"Sometimes I think about the first time I realized that I loved you ... it was as if my eyes took a picture at that moment and stored it in my heart. Sometimes I think about how much my life has changed because of you. I think about you and your happiness, about us and our life together, and I realize that you are as much a part of me now as the air I breathe and the dreams I have. But, from time to time, I still like to remember the first time I looked into your eyes and saw my future there."
----------------------------------

SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME WHY MY POSTS ARE STARTING SO LOW DOWN ON THE PAGE!!! I'M SOOOO CONFUSED AND PISSED!

Today was Meat's birthday. I think he had a good day despite working all morning. I got him some needed clothes and a gift card to Best Buy. He looooved that. Lol what guy wouldn't? But anyway, that was pretty much my day. I was shopping all morning while he was at work sooo yeah. We went to Outback for dinner. God I love the food.

I hate when I feel a certain way but no one else feels that way. For some reason i feel like something is different between me and mike but he doesn't feel it. Maybe i'm just causing the feeling? I'm scared of totally giving him my heart and getting it ripped out and stomped on again. (well, he didn't do it before). I don't know, maybe i'm just crazy. I look too deep into things and pick out stuff and make a big deal about nothing. Grr.

Tomorrow's friday and i get paid. GOOD.

~*~I feel soooo relaxed right now ~*~

I'm falling so deep and it feels so right, so goood. God I love you....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE!!!!!!

Hey. The rest of the day sucked. I finally figured out how to put links on the side of my blog which is cool. I'll never fully understand all of this shtuff...

I saw Mike after work. We hung out at his home. I GOT MY CAR BACK! IT LOOKS SOOO GOOD! I was driving a Mazda 3 before...i'm not sure if i had written that in here or not.
This one is not the one I drove, but its what it looks like...

Thats one hot ass! :)

Anyway...now i have my sweeet, swweet baby back...


What can I say? I fell in love with Mazda's

On another note today is Mike's birthday!!!! After he gets out of work i'm hoping to take him out to dinner. I hope he likes his gifts :) And if you read this hun....I love you like crazy. You've done so much for me and I hope one day i can give it all back to you. You are an amazing person, on the inside and out. Everyday i look foward to seeing you and being with you. I fall asleep thinking of you and wake up thinking of you. I'm here living for you. And I hope I'm being strong for you too. I love you so much...happy birthday baby!!!!!


Scorpio
October 23-November 21

*November 4th
As the stars smile your way, you stand head and shoulders above the rest of the competition. You're smart as a whip, and just about as hard to handle. Getting the crowd on your side may not be easy, but it's definitely possible. You have a few more days to bond with the person who suddenly seems more worthy of your time than they did a day ago. A reversed judgment starts off a flutter of shifting perspectives.

Randomness....

Here's some random stuff i thought was interesting....

First, since Bush won the election, some people aren't too happy.....

Here's some things I found in someone's away message-
I'm glad the President [George W. Bush] finally found an economic development program. I'm just sad that it's only in Baghdad. -John Kerry

There the Bush Administration has offered only a merry-go-round policy. They got up on their high horse, whooped and hollered, rode around in circles and ended right back where they'd started. -John Kerry

Do you have blacks, too? -George W. Bush To Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso,

Home is important. It's important to have a home. -George W. Bush

I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is misunderestimating. -George W. Bush

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning? -George W. Bush

Such a wise man...Hail to the Chief

*also in her profile.....*
"We need to be looked up to and not just feared." ~John Kerry~On America and its place in the world

Someone else's away message...
Look at it on the bright side, only four more years until he's gone!

Ahh ha! But then the good away message-
fuzzypjsocks: go bush go bush *does a little dance*

Away message:
what a sad day for americans...i hate george bush!

In someone's profile...
somehow, i seemed to become more of a kerry fan the longer that election went on. DANG IT.

~*~ and thats all i could find from my buddy list....i thought it was funny :-D ~*~

More random...
-friends, a simple word isnt it? its uttered everyday to almost every person imaginable. who r ur friends? i used to think that friends were the ppl that u could laff & talk to. now i kno that friends arent that, theyre the ppl that touch ur <3. You could spend hrs w/ them doin nuttin at all & it can be the best time of ur life just bc it was with them. theyre the ppl u can share ur secrets w/ cry with laff w/ & just have fun with. they dont judge u or make u change. they accept u exactly as u r. they look at u & they see a great person 1 they love spendin time with. u all share something in common & r tied togehter by love for the other. friendship is the strangest but greatest thing in the world. i find my time with my friends the best times of my life. my friends are my heart my soul my fun my laughter tears love & my life!

-I can't remember the last time I forgot you. Never Make Someone a Priorty if they only make you an option

-Lifes A Garden, Dig it

-sometimes we put up walls...not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down...

-*Life was so much easier when our worries were that recess was too short, decisions were made by Eanie, Meanie, Miney, Mo, only skinned knees brought tears and goodbyes meant just until tomorrow*

-"The course of true love never did run smooth"

Thats all for now....if i find more i'll put it in ;-) Ta ta!

Who's Your Spongebob Soulmate?

You run side by side with no other than the hero of our program, Spongebob Squarepants! The most-loved cleaning supply in show business history, Spongebob swells up with good nature, and gives everyone a direct pore into his square-shaped heart.

He’s gentle, euphoric, and too pleasant for his own good. In fact the only really annoying thing about him is his laugh. But other than that, he’s a gem, you hear us? An absolute gem.

69 Ways to Tell You are From New Jersey

I'm a jersey gurl so I'd thought I'd share this with everyone..... :-D

69) You went to Seaside after your Senior Prom.
68) You watched "Mallrats" and said, "I've been to that mall!"
67) At least half of the people you went to high school with went to Rutgers .
66) You know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried.
65) You know where every "clip" shown in the Sopranos opening credits is.
64) You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.
63) You know that the only people who call it "Joisey" are from New York (usually The Bronx ) or Texas .
62) You've planned a local trip around passing at least one Dunkin Donuts.
61) You do not think of citrus when people mention the " Oranges ."
60) You know that it's called "Great Adventure", not "Six Flags."
59) You actually know bakeries that are not part of a supermarket, but are individual stores.
58) You've ordered a "hard roll with butter" for breakfast.
57) You've eaten at that diner at 3 am at least a dozen times.
56) At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know what town Jon Bon Jovi is from.
55) You know that people from 609 area code are "a little different."
54) You always use at least 10 variation of "damn" while driving.
53) You don't have to go to Red Lobster to get fresh seafood.
52) You once said "It smells like New York in here."
51) You can go bowling at 1:30 am (w/ automatic scoring).
50) In high school, you knew someone who worked at a Friendly's or Stewart's.
49) The Garden State Parkway does not freak you out at night.
48) You know what a "jug handle" is.
47) You have mandatory recycling - enforced by law.
46) You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.
45) You go to the boardwalk at least once a year.
44) You've pondered..."Maybe basketball would be more popular in NJ if the Nets weren't here."
43) You say the words "water", "coffee", "dog" and "whatever", like this "wadder", "cawfee", "dowg" and "wadever" (if you live down south NJ).
42) Even your high school cafeteria made good subs.
41) You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and brushfires, but you have never seen a tornado, earthquake, tsunami or volcano.
40) You can't believe that MTV went to Seaside Heights .
39) You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation.
38) You only go to NYC for day trips and you call it “the city”.
37) You've run out of money on the Parkway, but now love using EZ-Pass.
36) You're Italian.
35) You know where to get a great bagel.
34) You think Perkins is terrible and should have never opened any restaurants here.
33) You have had sex on the beach (not the drink).
32) You have a favorite Atlantic City casino.
31) The Jet/Giants game has started fights at your local bar.
30) Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April and May.
29) You can't understand why there aren't any 24 hour diners in the rest of the country.
28) You live within 25 minutes of at least 3 different malls.
27) You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton - that's for out-of-staters.
26) You can see the NYC skyline from some part of your town.
25) You don't think the "What exit" (do you live near?) joke is very funny.
24) You've seen or been in a fight over the Rangers and Devils.
23) You have, or know someone who has, Mafia connections.
22) You're related to someone who think the NY Jets and NY Giants should be the New Jersey Jets and the New Jersey Giants. Plus you can't stand when people say the Meadowland are in New York. (DMB t-shirts!)
21) You have at least one friend who drives a truck.
20) You've been camping.
19) You've been in a city or town where Spanish is spoken more than English.
18) You can't remember when Clifton didn't win a softball championship.
17) You know where to gets drugs in Trenton , Paterson , Newark or New York .
16) You've been to a party in the woods.
15) You've purchased fireworks in Chinatown .
14) You know that this is the only "New..." state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (like, try ...Mexico, ...York, ...Hampshire (doesn't work, does it?).
13) You liked the Jets, even before Bill Parcells.
12) You know where to get a fresh Taylor ham, egg and cheese at 2 am .
11) You don't take no crap from no one.
10) You remember Action Park and may have been seriously injured there.
9) At sometime you got on the wrong highway while trying to leave Willowbrook Mall.
8) You know that there are no "beaches" in new Jersey - there's "The Shore," and you know that the road to the shore is "The Parkway" not "The Garden State Highway."
7) Anything less than 3 inches of snow isn't worth your time.
6) Someone on the road cut you off and you used at least four swear words to tell them what you thought.
5) You think people from South Jersey talk funny.
4) You know that a WaWa is a convenience store.
3) You know that you are paying hell of a lot in car insurance!
2) You know that the real first "strip shopping center" in the country is Route 22.
1.75) If you live in Bergen County, you are totally surprised when you see stores (other that gas and supermarkets) open on Sundays!
1.5) You know that the Statue of Liberty IS IN New Jersey and not New York!
1.25) You know out-of-staters call NJ the "arm pit" of America and you make an even better joke about their state!
1) You've never pumped your own gas.

Gahh hum bug

Gahhh. Thats about all I have to really say...

I'm so frustrated, i'm so stressed, lonely, sad, happy, everything!
.

The week is over and I chickened out. I had a great chance to do something but I stood there looking at the dresser and kinda snapped out of it and saw what I was doing...However, I made a bet with myself last Sunday that I was going to loose 3 pounds within the week and I did. Betcha can't guess how much I weigh.......

That extra hour last night was amazing. Working though today was hell. No one came to the store but it still managed to look like a mess. After work I saw Mike for a while. He was in a bad mood cause his father and girlfriend where fighting about shit.

Tomorrow is gonna suck. I have class in the AM and an "interview" type thing at the Municipal building about the community service hours i need to do. Then I don't have work until 5. Grreeattt. I'm planning on going to the mall before work to find some things for Mike's birthday on Thursday! He's gonna be an ollllldddd man lol.

I can't really think of anything I want to say. I'm so confused by everything. I want so many things but I don't at the same time. I'm scared out of my mind. What am I supposed to do? No one to talk to.....

you know what? I miss Meesh.... :(

For now....good night.