ghosts.
There are days I have the urge just to write. When i get these urges I don't know what to write about and i sit in front of this damn computer staring at the screen while my mind runs through every feeling i may have at the moment. And then when I finally do think of things to say, they are so completely random and silly that I know they won't be taken seriously and I won't be seen as the "writer" i'd like to be. I don't like always talking about my day or bitching about certain things. I'd love to be poetic in my writing but I can never find the perfect words to describe exactly what it is. My synonyms would be goofy and unrealistic. And all I ever can think of writing about is love. Mostly because love is such a big part of my life.
Its funny how during the holiday's people tend to become more depressed mostly because of the stress and pressure they are under and because of lack of loved ones. However a co-worker today brought up how depressing it feels now. We were under so much stress however, we were always doing something and now, it just feels like we are doing nothing. Hours are cut, we really don't need to be shopping, and everyone's going back to their everyday life. Families are being separated once again because of work and school and that starts to feel almost lonely. You were almost always with them, but now with our "normal" lives, we barely see each other. I am a little depressed right now. I haven't gotten a good amount of sleep in a long time and now that I'm going back to work, i'm starting to become a little more stressed out. I miss the family in Texas, I miss my buddy, I miss the weather. I'm going to have no money until next Friday (not this coming, the NEXT) because i didn't work all last week so I'm going to be living off mike which sucks. I need to pay my cell phone bill before they turn my service off. I need to finish off community service hours. I need to pay money for that stupid crap. I need a car that won't let me down. I need new sheets on my bed cause my mattress is too big for my old sheets. I need a clean room. BLAH. Mike's phone is acting up.....and i'll stop now cause i could go on and on. I wish I could just have one more week of peacefulness and calm. Not having a care in the world. Standing on top of Enchanted Rock and thinking to myself, god damn, I made it, I'm not out of breath, and I didn't puke! And standing and looking down at beautiful Texas with the people who mean most to me.
And now I have the best guy in the world. I know when I'm feeling down I can look into those soft brown eyes and everything will be ok for the time being. I know he would do anything to make me smile and get the attention he wants. Thats why we're so good for each other. We both crave attention and we both get it. Everything I feel, he feels. And it feels so good knowing that what I used to do will be looked at differently from him.
It just sucks that sometimes I miss that soft, sensual kiss. The one he used to get me with every single time. And he knew it. And he used it against me.
His ghosts are in my car. Ever sense he left, bad things happen to the car. Mike hit a deer today. His first. He was so upset. No damage except the grill came loose. And he's okay.
I just wish he would leave.
Do you ever write things in here, then read it, then realize it'll be a mistake to post so delete it? I do that alot. I can think before I write (sometimes) but not before I speak.
If only.
Its funny how during the holiday's people tend to become more depressed mostly because of the stress and pressure they are under and because of lack of loved ones. However a co-worker today brought up how depressing it feels now. We were under so much stress however, we were always doing something and now, it just feels like we are doing nothing. Hours are cut, we really don't need to be shopping, and everyone's going back to their everyday life. Families are being separated once again because of work and school and that starts to feel almost lonely. You were almost always with them, but now with our "normal" lives, we barely see each other. I am a little depressed right now. I haven't gotten a good amount of sleep in a long time and now that I'm going back to work, i'm starting to become a little more stressed out. I miss the family in Texas, I miss my buddy, I miss the weather. I'm going to have no money until next Friday (not this coming, the NEXT) because i didn't work all last week so I'm going to be living off mike which sucks. I need to pay my cell phone bill before they turn my service off. I need to finish off community service hours. I need to pay money for that stupid crap. I need a car that won't let me down. I need new sheets on my bed cause my mattress is too big for my old sheets. I need a clean room. BLAH. Mike's phone is acting up.....and i'll stop now cause i could go on and on. I wish I could just have one more week of peacefulness and calm. Not having a care in the world. Standing on top of Enchanted Rock and thinking to myself, god damn, I made it, I'm not out of breath, and I didn't puke! And standing and looking down at beautiful Texas with the people who mean most to me.
And now I have the best guy in the world. I know when I'm feeling down I can look into those soft brown eyes and everything will be ok for the time being. I know he would do anything to make me smile and get the attention he wants. Thats why we're so good for each other. We both crave attention and we both get it. Everything I feel, he feels. And it feels so good knowing that what I used to do will be looked at differently from him.
It just sucks that sometimes I miss that soft, sensual kiss. The one he used to get me with every single time. And he knew it. And he used it against me.
His ghosts are in my car. Ever sense he left, bad things happen to the car. Mike hit a deer today. His first. He was so upset. No damage except the grill came loose. And he's okay.
I just wish he would leave.
Do you ever write things in here, then read it, then realize it'll be a mistake to post so delete it? I do that alot. I can think before I write (sometimes) but not before I speak.
If only.
